Autographs, ObiWan, and a C3P0 pen! Oh my!
by Lady Celebare
Summary: Chapter 7 UpYep... it's another 'three friends get sucked into the SW universe' fic. However, this one starts out with a rabid fangirl hunting down a certain autograph... set during Episode II! Randomly funny! Expect a ton of Ewan-related crossovers!
1. Fangirl Adrenalin Is It In You?

Notes: I don't own Harry Potter, Star Wars, or Ewan, though I wish I owned the first two. Ya can't own people, after all. I do, however, wish I had Ewan's autograph!! Ah... *purr*

  
  


This is a really random fic about three girls getting sucked into the Star Wars galaxy... and then some! Expect a lot of crazy Ewan-related crossovers.

  
  


"London... ah... you gotta love it here," commented a rather tall teenaged girl as she and her friends walked down a street in the aforementioned city. "Cold, cloudy, windy... and full of castles!"

"Cold and cloudy is exactly what I don't like about it," chattered one of her friends, a girl who looked about one year younger than the tall girl (who, for the sake of not being confused, we'll call Meg). This shorter girl (not Meg) was not called Celeb, but we're using that name anyway to protect identities.

"Castles are historic, though. Besides, Harry Potter was invented here," the third girl, shorter than the other two but the same age as Meg, stated. She was code-named Adnap.

"My point exactly," Meg said primly. "You know who else lives here?"

"Oh no... here we go again," Celeb muttered.

"The Queen of England, that's who!"

Celeb rolled her eyes. "We know what you were gonna say, Meg."

"What?"

"That hunka-hunka burnin' love, Ewan McGregor."

"Actually, he lives in Scotland," Meg corrected. "That's north of here."

"We know!" Adnap shouted. "I'm getting cold. Let's go get some food."

"I vote we get fish-n-chips," Celeb said.

"I vote we get anything but kidneys or liver," Meg said.

"McDonalds is always a safe choice," Adnap ventured.

"Yeah! Micky-D's! I love their food!" Meg exclaimed. Passers-by stared at her, and she turned to them, irritated. "What, never seen a hungry Californian before??" At this, the passers-by walked a little faster to evade the crazy girl. "Now, let's go get some chow."

The three girls walked into the McDonalds and stared unhappily at the long lines. "We'll never get our food," Celeb sighed. "And I'm hungry!"

"We know!" Adnap said.

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because I do know."

"...Oh."

The three starving, Californian teenagers stood in line, ignoring the unfriendly stares of equally hungry Brits who resented the teenagers shoving them around in their attempt to get food faster. Adnap looked up at the menu board, and a confused look crossed her face. "What's a Royal?" she asked.

"It's a quarter-pounder. My uncle and I used to have this joke whenever we came into McDonalds. Care to hear?" Meg asked.

"No!" the angry crowd shouted.

"Too bad!" Meg shrieked. "We used to say that an American walks into a McDonalds in England and asks for a Quarter-Pounder. They look at him funny and tell him that he's not in a bank. Hahaha! Not in a bank! Get it?"

The crowd couldn't tolerate anymore. With angry shouts they flung the three Californian teenagers out into the streets.

"That wasn't very nice," Celeb grumbled. "What did you have to tell that joke for, Meg?"

But Meg wasn't listening. She was staring in awe down the street. Walking casually across the brick-lined zebra crossing was a man she had never, ever expected to see in real life.

"Ewan!!!" she squealed, and she took off down the street after him. Her friends reluctantly followed. When the good-lookin' Scottish actor heard the squeal he turned, his eyes grew wide with horror, and he took off running, cursing under his breath. The fangirls were everywhere. They were inescapable.

Now, our dear friend McGregor was in very good shape, and he could run pretty darned fast. However, Meg was spurred on by the energies of rabid fangirls. She quickly caught up with him and managed to catch hold of his shoelace.

"Ewan!" she squealed again, bouncing up and down like a maniac. "You're my favorite actor ever! I've seen a ton of your movies! You're so great! I love you! You sing so well! You're the best Jedi! Will you sign my shirt???"

Though he was terrified, Ewan was pretty impressed that this rabid fan had managed to catch him, and that she had squealed her entire declaration of fanship for him without taking a breath. He decided to sign something for her - maybe she would go away.

"Sure. Do you have a pen?" he asked.

Meg purred at the sound of his loverly Scottish accent. "Yes! I do! Wait... no!! I left it in the hotel room!! Aaaaaaaaa!!!" she turned to her friends, who had just caught up with her and were quite out of breath. "Do you have a pen??" she asked desperately. They both shook their heads no. "NO! I must get an autograph!!"

Blade was causing quite a scene, and Ewan was getting nervous. She might attract more fangirls, and then he would be in real trouble. Suddenly something even more ominous happened. Meg grabbed him around the wrist in a grip of steel and began dragging him down the street.

"Let go! Where are you taking me?" he demanded, struggling to break her grip.

"A stationary shop! I need a pen!" Meg shrieked fanatically. Ewan prayed that there was a stationary shop somewhere nearby. She was cutting of the circulation in his wrists.

"Ah! Here!" she squealed, dragging him through the doorway of a small store. The owner looked up, disturbed.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"Yes! Get her off me!" Ewan shouted, clinging to the doorframe.

Meg, however, had already found a pen. It was a Star Wars one with C3P0 on top. "Here! Sign me!!" she squealed.

Ewan was about to do just that, hoping she would leave him alone afterwards, when a huge swirling whirlpool opened up in the floor, sucking the rabid fangirl and her friends in!

"...that was the strangest thing that's happened to me all week," he muttered, massaging his aching wrist.

"Will you sign my sleeve?" the store owner asked.

  
  


Next Time: What was that whirlpool? Will Meg ever get her signature? What about the C3P0 pen? I'll only continue this if I get enough reviews...


	2. Lightsabers for All!

**Chapter 2: **Lightsabers for Everyone!

**Notes: **Celeb Ryu and Adnap Nottap are real people.  Go read their stuff!!  Also go read biblehermione's stuff.  She's gonna have a coolie LOTR "me and my friends get sucked into the LOTR dimension" fic up, and it's funny!

            The three Cali teens landed with an audible 'thud!' on hard, stone tiles as the swirly whirlpool spat them out.  They had fallen only about a foot (the whirlpool was kind: it didn't want to hurt them), but they were all acting as if they had been killed.

            "Ow!  My leg!"

            "My backside!  Get off my arm!"

            "Your elbow is in my ear!"

            "Gross!  Get your ear away from my elbow!"

            "Get your- Ooo!  Lookee!" Meg was the first to stand as she noticed where they were.  Celeb only had the vaguest idea, and Adnap was in the dark, but Meg was a fanatic, so she knew precisely where they had landed.  "Look!  The Jedi Temple on Coruscant!!" she squealed, jumping up and down like she had when she had spotted Ewan.

            "Great.  Lovely.  Can you tell Celeb to get off??" Adnap demanded.

            "Both of you get up!  My Star Wars sense tells me that we're currently in Episode II, which means-"

            "Obi-Wan?" Celeb finished.

            "Yes!  Obi-Wan!" Meg squeaked.  "He should come walking around a corner any second!"

            As it turned out, Meg was half right.  Someone did come walking around a corner… but it wasn't Obi-Wan.  It was Yoda.

            "Yoda!  Yo-yo-yo-yo-Yoda!" Celeb started to sing.

            "Shh!  We're in the presence of greatness!!" Meg whispered, pulling her two friends into a bow with her.

            Yoda looked up at them, taking in their outlandish clothing.  "Who are you?" he asked.

            "I'm… uh… Meg," Meg said lamely, unable to think up a cool Jedi nickname.  "These are my friends Celeb and Adnap."

            "Why have you come?" he asked again.

            "We… uh… came to be trained!" Meg said quickly.  "We're from… a distant planet!  And we heard the temple was the best training establishment in the galaxy, so we took a pilgrimage here."

            "Smooth," Celeb muttered.

            "Hmm, indeed," Yoda said, smiling.  He had seen this happen before, and he knew exactly where the girls had come from.  "Follow me, you will."

            "Yeah!  We're following Yoda!" Celeb exclaimed, skipping for glee.  Adnap and Meg looked at her oddly.

            "What??  I happen to like Yoda, that's all!"

~-~-~-

            Soon enough the three teens were outfitted in genuine Jedi robes, complete with utility belt and lightsaber.  Meg busied herself with memorizing every detail of the world around her so she could translate it into a fanfiction.  Adnap tried to remember everything her Star Wars fanatic friend had told her.  Celeb played with her lightsaber.

            "Look!  It's purple!" she exclaimed as she activated the glowing beam.

            "Put that down!  You might cut someone's eye out!" Meg shouted.

            "Nah, I'm not that clumsy," Celeb replied, swinging the lightsaber.  The lavender saber sliced through one of the statues on the wall, and one half Yoda's head came crashing to the floor.  "Oops…"

            "We've got to get out of here," Meg muttered.

            "Why?  It's nice here."

            "Do you want to miss the chance to taunt Anakin?" Meg asked, a fanatical glint in her eye.

            "Oooo!!  Anakin torture!!" Celeb squealed, waving her still-activated lightsaber.  Adnap had to duck to avoid getting decapitated.

            "Watch out!" she exclaimed.  "You're gonna kill someone!"

            "Can I kill Anakin??" she asked.

            "…no.  Not yet.  We want to torment him first, si?" Meg said.

            "Oh… yeah.  Right."

            "Then lets go!  We need to find some sort of speeder…"

            "Can we get a convertible???"

~-~-~-

            About an hour later (Meg called id one standard time part), the three friends had decided on a speeder, hijacked it (courtesy of Celeb's 'power of the fangirls'), and were on their way to the fated landing platform that would soon be the scene of one of the more gruesome explosion deaths in the Star Wars universe.             

            "Are we going to prevent it?" Adnap asked, referring to the death.

            "Nope," Meg replied.

            "How come?"

            "We can't interfere, except to make Anakin's life miserable.  Who knows what effect it'll have on Episodes IV-VI?"

            "IV-VI?"

            "Four through six.  Sorry.  I tend to talk in roman numerals."

            "…we noticed."

            The speeder they had chosen was a fast little ship, so they made it to the landing Pad very quickly (which was a good thing: Celeb was getting carsick).

            "I have a question," Adnap said as Meg set the speeder down close to the landing pad.

            "What's that?" Meg replied.

            "Why don't we just go to the building where Padme meets Obi-Wan and Anakin?"

            "Because… er…" Meg gulped.  "I don't know exactly where that is."

            "And you're supposed to be the Star Wars genius," Celeb muttered.

            "Hey!  I bet you don't know every planet in Dragon Ball Z!"

            "I do too!"

            "Name them!"

            "Uh, guys…" Adnap said nervously, "We've been spotted."

            The pilot of one of the Naboo starfighters was looking over at them curiously.  Celeb noted this pilot was a little bit skinnier and curvier than the others.

            "Hi Padme!" she shouted, waving.

            "Don't do that!  Now they'll kill her!" Meg exclaimed.  Her voice was drown out, however, by a massive explosion that shook the landing pads for miles around.

            "My ears!" Adnap cried.

            "My Vegeta doll!" Celeb sobbed.  The little model of the Saiyan Prince had blown off the landing platform and was now falling towards the planet surface miles below.

            "Honestly," Meg muttered as she drove the little speeder into a sharp dive.  "You're really impossible."

            "You'd say the same about your Kenobi-Wan doll!" Celeb exclaimed as she caught the Vegeta plushie.

            "…you're right.  Never mind.  Let's get back up there before the Senator's ship leaves."

Next Time: Will the Cali teens get to see Obi-Wan?  What have Celeb and Meg got in store for Anakin?  Why is the "Elephant Love Medley" playing in the senate lift?? 


	3. Darkwing Who?

A few moments later, the three Cali teens had followed the Senator's shuttle to the building where she was to meet her bodyguards. Little did she know that one of the bodyguards would be none other than Anakin Skywalker, that creepy Tatooine kid with a bizarre obsession for her. Meg, Celeb, and Adnap knew exactly who they were, though, and Meg was practically dancing with excitement.

"We're gonna see Obi-Wan! In person! In the flesh!" she squealed as they steered the speeder into a parking garage.

"And we're gonna torment Anakin!" Celeb sang.

"And… uh… I can get hairstyle tips from Padme!" Adnap exclaimed.

"Yes. Yes you can. But at the moment, we have a lift to catch! Come on!" Meg piloted the little speeder around the building until she had it level with the lift shaft.

"Why are we parked here?" Celeb asked. "The party's upstairs!"

"Watch and learn," Meg grinned. 

Shortly, a small copper something started rising up the lift shaft. It was none other than… the lift. Our favorite Star Wars bishounen was inside, along with his not-so-intelligent Padawan. They were deep in conversation about sweat and nests of evil creatures, so they didn't notice the three fangirls wildly waving to them from outside… until Obi-Wan caught sight of them reflected in the lift door.

"Who are they?" he asked, turning. They were dressed in the robes of learners, but Obi-Wan had never seen them before.

"I don't know, master," Anakin replied.

"We love you, Obi-Wan!!" one of the girls squealed.

"You… what?" Obi-Wan was thrown off slightly. No one from the temple ever acted like this… well, except for Aleena Tarlana. But she was different.

"Let's get in that lift!" Celeb exclaimed, leaning out of the speeder.

"How do you propose we do that?" Adnap asked. "We're- wait. I know how!"

"Yay! She's learning!" Meg cheered.

"Can I do it this time?" Adnap asked.

"Knock yourself out."

"Behold the power of the fangirls!" Adnap exclaimed, and suddenly the three Cali teens were in the lift.

"Who are you?" Anakin asked.

Adnap pulled her robe around her face and put on a big, wide-brimmed hat. "We're your worst nightmare," she said in a creepy, low voice.

"I am the terror that flaps- no, wait. That's just wrong," Celeb said, shaking her head.

Meanwhile, Meg was attempting to get Obi-Wan to show her what the term 'full-frontal snogging' meant. Since the Jedi in question wasn't as Scottish as his actor counterpart, he had no idea what she meant. He was edged all the way to the back of the lift, terror in his eyes.

"Meg! You're going to kill him!" Celeb exclaimed.

"No, he's gonna kill him," Meg replied, pointing at Anakin.

"I am?" Anakin asked, puzzled.

"Yes, stupid! Of course you are!" Celeb replied, smacking Anakin over the head with the Vegeta doll.

Further random violence was abruptly cut off as the lift doors slid open with a slight hiss. Obi-Wan shoved past the fangirls and into the room, straightening his tunic and watching them warily. 

"Who are you and what do you want?" he asked, his hand straying to his lightsaber.

"I want you!" Meg squealed.

"We want to torture your apprentice," Celeb replied.

"I want a speeder!" Adnap exclaimed.

"You can't have any of that!" Obi-Wan shouted. "Are you all crazy??"

"Yeah… we are," Adnap replied.

Just then, the doors across the room opened. Who should walk in but…

"Mufasa??" Adnap asked, looking rather disturbed. "Isn't Padme supposed to walk through that door?"

"Yeah… she is," Meg responded. "Celeb… did you use the magic pencil again??"

"Who, me?" Celeb asked, innocently brushing pencil shavings under the rug with her foot. "Never."

****

End Notes: Mufasa? Pencil shavings? Obscure Disney cartoon references? This cannot be good. Stay tuned for the next chapter…


	4. A New Objective

**A/N**: Oh, what a bad writer I am… I'm choosing to write this chapter instead of working on my _real_ works of fiction… you know, the important ones.  Like Twinsabers.  Oh well, such is life.  So anyway, here's the next chapter of this insanely random fic!

            Mufasa stepped into the room and smiled an odd, lionish smile at the three girls, the Jedi Knight, and the whining brat-child.  "Greetings," he said, his voice a low rumble.

            "Dear lord!" Celeb exclaimed, pointing at the lion.  "He ate Vader!"

            "No, no," Adnap replied, shaking her head.  "If he'd eaten Vader, Anakin wouldn't be here, since they're one and the same.  Get it?"

            "Oh…"  Celeb looked down, thinking.  "Well, can we get Mufasa to eat Anakin, then?"

            "What??" the Padawan in question exclaimed.  "Why do you want him to eat _me?"_  

            "Because we hate you," Meg replied reasonably.  

            "Why?"

            "Because you cause all sorts of pain for the people we do like, like Obi-Wan, for instance."

            "He does?" Obi-Wan asked, puzzled.

            "Yes.  He does."  Meg paused, looking thoughtful.  "You know, it's really Vader who kills you, though."

            "He what??" Obi-Wan demanded, eyeing Anakin suspiciously.

            Luckily, right at that moment, an unconscious Nabooian crashed through the roof.

BM: Wait, wait… that's not the right script!

Celeb: What do you mean, 'not the right script'?  There is no script!

Adnap: Yeah, we're kind of improving here.

BM: Well, someone is trying to turn this into a Moulin Rouge crossover, and I never authorized that.

Adnap: Why not?  It's a coolie movie!

BM: Yes, but I'm in control of this fic!  And I say the Moulin Rouge crossover comes later.

Celeb: Aww… I like the unconscious Nabooian…

BM: …who is the Nabooian anyway?

Celeb: Iunno.  Let's go back to the fic and find out.

BM: All right…

            "Look!  Padme!" Adnap exclaimed, pointing at the collapsed senator. 

            "She's supposed to walk through the door, not fall through the roof," Meg said, puzzled.

            "So what?  We're not even supposed to be here," Adnap said.  "Let's see if we can revive her."

            "Power of the fangirls?" Celeb asked.

            "I think so.  Ready?  On three.  One… two… three!"

            "Behold, the Power of the Fangirls!" all three exclaimed.  Suddenly Padme sat up, coughing and dusting bits of plaster off of her dress.  

            "Where am I?" she asked.

            "You're in some random room with three fangirls, a hot Jedi Knight, and your whiny future husband," Celeb replied.

            "Fangirls?  Husband?" Padme looked very confused.

            "Shh, Celeb!  Don't say that!  We're here to promote Obidala, remember?" Meg said conspiratorially.

            "We are?" Celeb asked, scratching her head.  "I thought we were here to torment Anakin and glomp Obi-Wan."

            "Let's just call those side-quests."

            "But glomping should be first on the list!"

            "Well… it's not.  Now we're promoting Obidala, got it?"

            Celeb sighed.  "All right…"

            Meg again faced the three Star Warts characters, who were all looking enormously confused.  "I assume you all know each other.  Would anyone mind if we… er… took Anakin out for a bit?"

            "Why?" Obi-Wan demanded.  "He's my Padawan.  I won't have you killing him."

            "Oh, we won't," Meg replied.  "If we kill Anakin, we'll never get a Darth Vader or a Luke."

            "Do we _want_ a Luke?" Celeb asked.

            "Yes.  Er, I do at least."

            Celeb rolled her eyes.  "Don't worry, Master Kenobi.  We just want to give you and the Senator a little 'alone' time.  You know, to catch up."

            "But-" Anakin began, but a sound 'thwack' from Adnap's saber hilt silenced him.  He glowered angrily, rubbing at the bump on his head.

            "Fine," Obi-Wan replied, just a little relieved to get rid of Anakin for a moment or two, "but have him back in three standard time parts.  He needs to do his meditation exercises."

            "Wohoo!" Celeb exclaimed, shoving Anakin towards the door.  "Don't worry, your Kenobi-ness, we'll take great care of him."

            Obi-Wan looked a little unsure about that, but shrugged and turned back to Padme.  Meg grinned and handcuffed Anakin's arms behind his back while Obi-Wan wasn't looking, and bent down to whisper into the bratty Jedi's ear.  "We're going to take care of you all right… _real_ good care of you…  MUAHAHAHAAA!"

            Anakin gulped and looked at the three nervously, wondering what they were going to do to him.

**A/N: **What do the three fangirls have in store for the Jedi boi?  Why is 'Sk8er Boi' so dang popular?  Why is it so _annoying??? _And whatever happened to Mufasa?


	5. Paris?

            "Exactly how long is three standard time parts, anyway?" Adnap asked as the three Cali teens and their captive Padawan took to their speeder again.

            "Three hours," Meg replied confidently.

            "What's an hour?" Anakin asked.

            "A standard time part, stupid!" Celeb exclaimed, thwacking him.

            "Can we stop with the thwacking??" he demanded, rubbing at his swiftly-bruising scalp.

            "Let me think."  Celeb tilted her head to one side and examined the clouds for a few seconds.  "Nope."

            "You're so mean," he scowled.

            "No, you're the mean one," Adnap replied.  "You kill poor Obi-Wan!"

            "Yeah!  Murderer!" Celeb exclaimed, thwacking him again.

            "This is going to be one of those days," Anakin sighed.

            "Hey!" Meg shouted, "No using cool catch-phrases!"

            "What??"

            "You heard me!"

            "Uh… Meg?" Adnap asked cautiously.  "Where are we going?"

            "I dunno," Meg shrugged.  "Let's see if there's a McDonalds around here somewhere."

            "Are you always hungry, or what?"

            "Yeah… pretty much."

            Suddenly a big swirly whirlpool opened up right in front of the speeder and sucked them in.

            "Wohoo!  D-d-d… Digimon!" Celeb sang as the whirlpool closed on them.  Moments later it spat them out atop the Eiffel Tower.

            "Hey!  Paris!" Adnap exclaimed, pulling out her 'Fangirl's Guide to the Galaxy' booklet.  "I wonder why we're here?  This is far, far away from Coruscant."

            "And a long time into the future," Celeb added.

            "Huh?" Anakin asked.

            "Let's see if we can figure out when we are," Meg said.  

            "When?"

            "Yeah!  We know where, but not when.  And don't question me, fuzzy!"

            "Fuzzy??"

            "I said don't question me!" Meg bonked Anakin on the head.  Then she tied his arms behind his back with a roll of duck tape she just happened to have lying around.

            "How are we gonna get him down?" Adnap asked.

            "We'll lower him down," Celeb replied.  "Hopefully he'll hit the sides a lot while we're doing it."

            The three Cali girls parked their bright yellow speeder and proceeded to lower Anakin down using a long piece of rope that was conveniently stowed in the glove box.

            "Why aren't we just flying down?" Adnap asked.

            "_We_ are.  He isn't," Meg replied.

            "Oh.  Makes sense to me."

            "Ow!  This (bang) hurts!  You're (bang) OW!  Gonna (bang bonk) kill me!"

            "That's the point," Celeb replied.

            Soon the abused Padawan was lying on the pavement in front of the Tower, attracting the stares of many passers-by.  Meg slowly piloted the speeder down and untied Anakin.  Celeb and Adnap hopped out of the speeder and brushed themselves off.  After Meg had locked the speeder, the three shoved Anakin upright and began walking down the crowded streets.

            "Adnap, go ask that guy what year this is," Meg whispered into her friend's ear while pointing at a man sitting outside of a café.

            "No, you go do it!"

            "You!"

            "You!"

            "I don't speak French!"

            "Neither do I!"

            "I'll do it!" Celeb exclaimed, raising her hand.

            "You speak French?"

            "No…"

            Meg sighed.  "Fine.  Go ask."

            Celeb skipped off towards the man, who stared at her with an odd expression.  Her Jedi robes were quite out-of-place.  When she proceeded to question him in a language he didn't understand, he began to look fearful.  When she threatened to hit him with the Vegeta doll, he took off running.

            "Celeb!" Meg exclaimed, "Don't threaten the natives!  You'll get us arrested!"

            "Oh…"

            Adnap sighed and looked around.  "So, what are we supposed to do here?"

            "We can't figure out the year by asking, but maybe we can by exploring," Meg answered.

            "What d'you mean by that?"

            "We're gonna go to Monmarte and see if Christian's there!"

            "Yeah!"

            "Oh no," Celeb groaned, "not that movie again!"

            "We'll indoctrinate you yet, Celeb!" Meg cackled.

            "Wait… where?" Anakin asked, disturbed.

            "You'll see.  Now march!"

            She jabbed Anakin in the back with a sharp stick she'd found lying around, and the three Cali teens and their hostage moved onward.  Soon they'd reached the City of Sin.

            "This is a really bad place," Adnap noted as they passed a man smoking on a corner.

            "So's California," Meg shrugged.

            "Not this bad!"

            "Have you been to Hollywood lately?"

            "Oh… good point."

            They continued marching uphill until they came within sight of a very brightly-lit windmill.  The sun was setting, making the place even more noticeable.

            "There it is," Meg said, pointing.

            "Isn't that a bad place for young women to be?" Adnap asked.

            "It's a bad place for _anyone_ to be."

            "Then why are we here?"

            "We're gonna go hunt down our favorite penniless poet!" Meg squealed.

            "Ooo!  Yay!"

            "Wait, wait, wait!" Anakin exclaimed, turning around abruptly.  "I refuse to go along with this anymore until you explain some things to me!  Where are we, who are you, and why are you being so mean??"

            "Paris, fangirls of your mentor, and because we can," Celeb replied primly.

            "Because we can-can!" Meg giggled.

            "Can-can we go find Christian now?" Adnap asked.

            "Sure-sure."

            "This is getting silly."

            "I know, isn't it great??"

            The three teens pushed onward, dragging a very unhappy Anakin behind them.

**A/N: **Will they find the poet?  Will Anakin survive this?  How will they get back to Coruscant??  Will the insanity never cease???


	6. Poet Pants

****

Notes: Sorry this was so long in coming… but Saturn Riddle's 'Lost' inspired this new chappy. Enjoy!

Meg, Adnap, and Celeb waltzed up the hill towards the Moulin Rouge, hauling Anakin along by a rope around his wrists. The Padawan had long since given up arguing, and now stalked along behind them with only a sulky scowl on his face. 

"Ok, so me and Adnap will go upstairs to find our Penniless Poet friend, and Celeb can guard Anakin," Meg said.

"Why do I have to guard him?" Celeb asked.

"Because you get to kick him if he tries to escape."

"Oh. Ok then!"

Anakin grimaced. "Will it never end?"

"Probably not," Adnap said.

"Wait a minute…" Anakin screwed up his face in concentration, then grinned stupidly. "I can use the Force to escape!"

"No you can't," Meg replied.

"Why not?"

"Because I said so. If you try to run, Celeb here with Force-lightning your ass."

"I can use Force lightning?" Celeb asked.

"But how come you can use the Force and I can't?" Anakin whined.

"Because of my little pet," Meg said, reaching into her pocket and drawing out a hamster-sized furball. "Meet Bob. Bob is a pocket Ysalamiri."

"That still doesn't explain your being able to use the Force."

"Bob is special. Bob can turn his Force bubble on and off."

"That's… uh… handy…"

"And I have three!" Meg grinned. she drew out two more little Ysalamiri and handed one to Celeb and one to Adnap. "They're very affectionate."

"I shall call you my Squishy and keep you and you shall be my Squishy!" Celeb said, putting her Ysalamiri on her shoulder.

"I hate you," Anakin muttered.

"The feeling is mutual."

With that, Meg and Adnap skipped off towards the garret. They practically flew up the stairs and skidded to a halt outside of Christian's room, giggling uncontrollably. "You open the door," Meg whispered.

"No, you!" Adnap hissed, jabbing Meg in the ribs with her elbow.

"You!"

"You!"

"What's going on out here?"

As Christian flung his door open, it whacked Meg solidly in the chest and she toppled backwards down the stairs to land in a heap on the floor below. Adnap yelped and jumped down to help her friend up as Christian looked on, very perturbed.

"Are you ok?" Adnap asked.

"Yeah, Bob cushioned my fall." Meg pulled out the little creature, who blinked at them, yawned, and fell back asleep. Adnap didn't bother asking how the tiny creature had acted as a buffer for Meg's fall and survived. She picked herself up, then dashed up the stairs and latched herself around Christian's waist.

"Squeee!" she squealed.

Adnap promptly stole Christian's hat and put it on her head. "Squee!" she squealed, following Meg's example.

"Who are you?" Christian demanded, trying to free himself from Meg's vice grip.

"I'm Meg, otherwise known as Blade Malfoy Celebare," Meg said, unlatching herself only long enough to give a little bow.

"I'm Adnap Nottap. We're fanfiction authors," Adnap said, stealing Christian's scarf. He tried to grab at it, but couldn't move due to Meg.

"Who?" he asked, utterly confused.

"Never mind," Meg shrugged. "We're here to tell you we love you!"

"And we love your voice!"

"Can you sing for us?"

"We'll let you go!"

"Please?"

Christian stuttered ineffectively for a moment, then sighed and threw his hands up. "What do you want me to sing?"

"Oh dear," Adnap said.

"The Bad Touch!" Meg squealed.

"Oh, nobody saw that one coming," Celeb muttered, dragging Anakin up the steps.

"Decided to join us, did you?" Meg asked casually as she poked Christian's shoe.

"Well, yeah. I hate this movie, but Ewan McGregor is fine."

"Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked incredulously.

"What?" Christian asked again, now even more puzzled.

Luckily for all involved, right at that moment the swirly whirlpool appeared in Christian's doorway and sucked Meg, Celeb, Adnap, and Anakin through it. Meg had such a good hold on Christian's pants that they came clean off as the whirlpool dragged her away. The penniless poetic hotness was left standing in the middle of the hallway, pantless, mouth agape.

Miliseconds later, the whirlpool spat the Cali teens and Anakin out in a vast, dark forest. This time they managed not to fall into a tangled heap. Adnap actually popped out on her feet, and was the first to realize where they were this time.

"The Forbidden Forest!" she exclaimed, jumping up and down with glee. "We're at Hogwarts, guys!"

****

Notes: So the Cali teens and their captive have landed in the universe of Harry Potter this time. Again, they know where, but not when. Who will they meet? Will Anakin ever get a break? And what about Christian's clothes?


	7. BogartInABox

                "How do you know where we are?" Meg demanded, standing up and brushing herself and the pants off.  "We could just be in some other random forest…"

                "No!  Look!"  She pointed to a tiny hole in the tree cover, and sure enough, there was a castle looming out of the gloom.  "It's Hogwarts!"

                "It could just be some other random Scottish castle," Celeb said with a shrug.

                "How do _you_ know we're in Scotland?" Meg asked.

                "It's called intuition."  Then she suddenly burst into song.  "Follow your heart, your intuition!  It will lead you in the right direction-"

                "Ok, ok!  We get the point!" Meg exclaimed fwapping Celeb with the pant legs.

                "Ooo.  Ewan pants," Celeb said, grabbing onto said clothing article and tugging.

                "Mine!" Meg shrieked.  

                "Mine!" Celeb replied, equally shrieky.

                "No!  You're only a fangirl 'cos of me, and therefore, I get dibs on the pants!"

                "Um… where are we?" Anakin asked, just noticing his new surroundings for the first time.  "Where did that Obi-Wan look-alike go?"

                Celeb scowled.  "Didn't you hear Adnap?  We're in the Forbidden Forest.  Don't tell me you never read Harry Potter."

                "Harry who?" he said.

                "He's impossible," Meg muttered.

                "Yeah, and he looks ugly in eyeliner," Celeb agreed.  

                "We're so corrupt," Meg giggled.  

                "Damn that Velvet Goldmine movie!"

                "Can we get going to the castle now?" Adnap asked, practically jumping for joy.  "I want to see Ron!"

                "Oh no, here we go again," Celeb muttered.  "All right, let's go."  She grabbed onto the end of Anakin's rope and started tugging him through the forest towards the distant lights, following Adnap.  Adnap seemed to have picked up on the scent of Hogwarts like a bloodhound and led the strange group through the forest in short order.  Before they knew it, they were standing at the edge of the forest within view of Hagrid's hut.

                "I can't believe we're actually here!" Adnap squealed.

                "Ooo, I hope this is during the PoA!  I want to meet Remus!" Meg exclaimed.

                "Maybe Paddy is here!" Celeb said, jumping up and down.

                "Yeah!  And we can warn him of his imminent death!"

                "We can save him!"

                "PoA?  What?" Anakin asked, looking even more confused than usual.

                "Prisoner of Azkaban, and don't ask such silly questions," Adnap answered.

                "Let's go to the great hall!" Celeb suggested.

                "How are we going to get in?" Adnap said.  "We're muggles."

                "No we're not," Meg grinned.  "Behold the power of the fangirls!"  And suddenly all four – Anakin included – were dressed in Hogwarts robes of the Gryffindor variety, and the three authoresses had wands.

                "Hey, don't I get a wand?" Anakin whined.

                "No, you're a squib," Celeb answered cheerfully.  "And if anyone asks, act mentally incapacitated.  Otherwise they might throw you out."

                "Oh… ok!" Anakin said brightly.

                Adnap giggled and tightened Christian's blue scarf around her neck.  "Are we ready?" she asked breathlessly.

                "Let's go!" Celeb replied.

                The four dashed up to the huge double doors leading into the castle.  Adnap opened them eagerly, and was greeted by a hoard of third-years clamoring at the door, waiting for Filch to sign them out.

                "Ron!!" she squealed, launching herself through the crowd and attaching herself to the red-haired Gryffindor's legs.  "Oooo, you're just as cute in real life as you are in the movies!"

                Ron looked down, perturbed.  "Uh… what?"

                "Excuse me!" Filch snapped, striding over to Adnap.  "Get up off the floor!  You were outside without permission!  Sneaking off to Hogsmeade early, were you?"

                "Where's Harry?" Celeb interrupted, looking around at the gathered students.

                "Who wants to know?" demanded the now-recognizable voice of Daniel Radcliff/Harry Potter.

                "HARRY!" Celeb squealed, tackling the Boy who Lived.

                "Ooo, Potter's got a fangirl," Draco said, poking his face out of the crowd.

                "You shouldn't have done that," Adnap advised from her place around Ron's ankles.

                "DRACO!!!" Meg squealed, launching herself at the Slytherin.  

                "Oy!  Get off, you mudblood!" he snapped, desperately trying to free her arms from around his waist.

                "You three!  You'll have a detention for this!" Filch sputtered.  "Disrupting!  Being out without supervision!"

                "What's going on here?" asked a mild voice as a certain caramel-haired professor descended the stairs.  He was on his way to lunch, a lunch that would soon be disrupted.

                "Obi-Wan??" Anakin asked, utterly confused.

                "LUPIN!!" Meg squealed again, launching herself at the lycanthropic professor.  "And… and… you're not David Thewlis!!"

                Lupin looked down at the squealing teenager latched to his ankles.  "Pardon?  Who am I not?"

                "David Thewlis, the ugly git who's playing you in the PoA movie!  You're… you're…"

                "Curt Wilde," Celeb cackled.  "Where's Brian Slade?"

                "What?" Lupin frowned in confusion.  "I have no idea what you're talking about."

                "Shh!  Don't mention them!" Meg hissed.  "The whirlpool might come back!"

                "Is that an entirely bad thing?" Celeb answered.  

                "Well… no."

                Adnap approached the professor, dragging Ron with her.  "Maybe this means that David Thewlis really will get in a horrible accident and not be able to play the role!" she said hopefully.  Ron desperately tried to escape, but to no avail – the arms of fangirls are extraordinarily strong.  The Fangirl Adrenalin was still in effect.

                "Oooo!  I hope so!"

                "We're so mean, wishing ill luck on some poor actor," Adnap noted sadly.

                "No, it's not meanness," Celeb said.  "It's favoritism."

                "Oh… well.  In that case it's ok!"

BM: Wait, wait, wait… do you realize we don't have an actual plot yet?

Celeb: Yes we do!  We're three fangirls parading through Ewan-related worlds, dragging Anakin with us.

BM: This sort of reminds me of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, without the heavy drug use and the Johnny Depp.  No plot, just a lot of antics.

Adnap: But does that really matter in the end?

Celeb: (sings) And in the end, it doesn't even matter-

Adnap: So let's get back to the fanfic, shall we?

Celeb: (sings) And all that jazz!

BM: (rolls her eyes)

                Ron poked Anakin with his wand.  "Who are you?" he asked.  "I've never seen you before.  Are you a transfer student?"

                "Am I… what?"  Anakin stared at Ron blankly.

                "Don't bother," Adnap said dismissively.  "He's not the sharpest tool in the shed."

                "Ohh, I see," Ron said sagely.

                "Hey!  I'm not dumb!" Anakin exclaimed.

                "That's what _you_ think," Meg replied as she patted Lupin's hair.  "So pretty…"

                "Excuse me, will you get off my back?" Lupin asked politely.

                "No!"

                "Why not?"

                "Because I love you!"

                Lupin sighed.  "No you don't.  You're delusional.  Now please, unhand me."

                Meg sniffled and did as she was told, unable to refuse her Remie-poo.  "Well… can we at least sit in on one of your classes?"

                "If you want," Lupin said.  "I'm doing bogarts today."

                "Yay!  My favorite!" Celeb squealed.

                "You realize this is totally out of sync with the story timeline," Adnap said.

                "So?"

                "I suppose it's all right… and I've always wanted to fight a bogart."

                "That's the spirit!"

                So the three Cali teens and their captive followed Lupin to his classroom, where he had his bogart-in-a-box.  "You know the spell, right?" he asked.  "I mean, since you all seem so well-versed in Wizardry…"

                "Of course we do," Celeb scoffed.  "Just picture your most horrible thought, then make it funny!"

                "Earthworms," Meg shuddered.

                "Earthworms are your worst fear?" Lupin asked, looking mildly amused.  Meg scowled.

                "Yeah, well, it's better than being afraid of the moon, wolf-boy."

                "You know about that?" Lupin asked, disturbed.

                "Of course we do!" Adnap replied.  "But don't worry.  We love you anyway."

                "Love love looooove!" Meg squealed.

                "All right then," Lupin said, backing up a little.  "I'm going to open this box… and you can go right to it."  He did so, and in an instant there was an enormous earthworm wriggling on the floor in front of them.  Celeb and Adnap looked mildly disgusted, but Meg was utterly horrified.  She clung to Lupin, screaming.  "Big worm!  Big scary worm!"

                Lucky for the Cali teen, the whirlpool arrived right at that moment.  It picked up the three girls and Anakin, leaving Lupin to deal with the huge earthworm.  He was rather relieved to be rid of them.

                "I wonder where we'll end up this time?" Celeb muttered as the whirlpool swirled around them.

**Notes: **Where will they go next?  How much longer can this continue?  Why are the authoress's plot bunnies all dead?  All this and more in the next installment of Autographs, Obi-Wan, and a C-3PO Pen!


End file.
